...a state of happiness, rest, and peace

It's been over a month now since Clair passed away. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I've wanted to write down some of my thoughts and feelings, but haven't felt up to doing it until now.

A little over a year ago our family returned to Cache Valley, soon after Clair's cancer returned. It was difficult to see the decline and changes in Clair's health as the cancer took hold. But it's been special to be here, close to him. He taught us so much...about faith, love, service, courage, and gratitude. He endured this trial with such a positive attitude. He expressed gratitude for every little thing to the very end.

The time we've spent with Grandpa Murray has been precious and the memories are sweet. I remember watching Grandpa hold Sam for the first time when we first arrived from Kauai. Sam was just two weeks old. It seemed they had an immediate bond. I can't think about it without tearing up. I loved the tenderness he showed Sam as he held him. Clair held Sam any chance he could and Sam was always peaceful and content in his arms. A few months before Clair passed away I watched as Sam laid in his arms and he gazed up at his Grandpa with such a wide grin. Grandpa teased and played with him. Sam started giggling and enjoyed every second of his attention. I didn't have my camera to take pictures, but the memory is a vivid picture in my mind...one that I will always remember and tell Sam about. I'll tell Sam how much his Grandpa loved him, even while suffering the pains of cancer. I was touched when the last time Sam visited how Grandpa, even when heavily medicated, still reached his head up and puckered his lips to give Sam his kiss goodbye...it was his last.

The kids loved to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house after school. Aidan, especially, would often ride his bike to their house after school to spend time with them. Grandma would feed him and Grandpa would listen to him read and help him complete his homework for the day. Grandpa shared his knowledge and love for birds with Aidan. They would sit by the big windows and watch and study the birds coming to eat from the feeders in the backyard. Now Aidan can easily spot and identify birds around Cache Valley. He takes his special bird book that Grandpa gave him on all of our family road trips so that he can identify the birds of the area.

The kids will always remember fishing with Grandpa. With Grandpa, you could always catch your limit. He was the best fisherman and riding in his boat was great! I can still remember when I went fishing with Clair. It was my first time and boy was he kind and patient with me. He showed me how to tie on the hook, bait it, and how to rig the pole. Even this last year when Clair wasn't feeling well and was having a hard time getting around, he was willing to go with the kids to fish at first dam. Jason parked close enough to the water so he could stay in the van, but still help the kids bait their hooks and give pointers as they fished from the bank.

Our very last outing with Clair was to one of his favorite places, Tony Grove. It was a short trip and he apologized over and over that we had to leave the lake so soon. But oh, how he loved seeing the wild flowers. We were so happy to see him enjoy the beauty of a place so special to him and to us. He watched from the van as the kids played in the water for a few minutes. I'm sure he yearned to get out and enjoy it with them. It was a beautiful day...we know he is in an even more beautiful place now.

During the last month or so of Clair's life, Jason was able to spend much of his time caring for him. Helping him get around, shower, and switch positions. He spent many nights at his parents' home getting up through the night to take his dad to the bathroom every couple of hours. Jason got tired so quickly from getting up all night. He wondered how his parents had been doing it for years. But he loved having the opportunity to help his dad in any way he could. I was impressed with the care and concern Jason showed his dad in those last difficult days. I feel so grateful to have such a devoted husband. I am truly blessed.

"Then it shall come to pass that the spirits of those who are righteous are recieved into a state of happiness, which is called paradise. A state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care." Alma 40:12

Jason used that scripture in his talk at the funeral. We truly feel comforted in knowing that Clair is in a state of happiness and peace. I loved Clair's quiet ways. He was so humble. He was the perfect father, the perfect father-in-law, the perfect Grandpa. Oh, how I love and miss him!

I think....I touched heaven

Although we are grieving the loss of my father in law...it was a pretty heavenly day. First, Jason and I got to sleep in. All the kids except Sam had slept over at their cousins. We picked them up in time to listen to general conference. Then headed over to my mom and dad's during the break for a veeery yummy meal in their backyard with all of my family. Then we got to watch conference again all together (my sibs and their kids, and my parents) in my mom and dad's family room. I love family togetherness.

We returned home and soon after the doorbell rang. It was Stewart from Jason's and my Sunday School Class with a pan full of cinnamon rolls. He told me he was sorry about Jason's dad. He said a couple weeks ago he had the opportunity to take the sacrament to him. I know Stewart's mom made the cinnamon rolls, but it was SO sweet of him to bring them and to show concern. Especially since he is 16. How many 16 year olds do that?

Tonight Jason and I went accross the street to Kevin's (Jason's brother) for a meeting with the family to plan the memorial services for Clair, my father in law. The meeting went a little longer than I had thought it would. So after a couple of hours I walked back home to check on the kids, since we had left them alone. It had gotten dark and the lights were on in the garage. As I walked up our driveway I was so happy with what I found.

Cole was wearing Jason's rollerblades. Aidan was wearing mine. They both had brooms and were playing broom hockey in the driveway. I have never seen them do this before....so I have no idea where they got the idea. I wasn't surprised though because my boys are always thinking up fun stuff to do. (just like their Daddy) Sadie had Sam sitting in his stroller and she was sitting next to him holding an umbrella over both of their heads. I have no idea why she was holding the umbrella because they were both sitting in the shelter of the garage. But it was very cute. Sammy had a big smile and was obviously enjoying himself. The boys were having fun playing hockey and Sadie was giggling with Sam.

All at once I was extremely happy inside. It's moments like this that really aren't a big deal, but yet they are. It's just normal everyday life. But it really hit me tonight that this normal everyday life stuff is actually incredibly awesome. Life is short. I'm learning more each day...how short it really is. I love my children and I love these moments I have with them and they should be treasured.

Today the prophet said that living with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven. I know I have a LONG ways to go in the gratitude department....but I think I might have for a minute touched heaven tonight...it sure felt like I did.

We miss you

My father in law passed away early Saturday morning. I don't know if it's really sunk in yet that he's gone. I know that he was suffering. It was so hard to see him suffer. I know that he is in a much better place now. He is where he is supposed to be. He lived a beautiful life. But oh, how we miss him already.

This one's for you, Ronny....

...since you are probably the only one besides me who would ever look at my blog anymore. I know I keep saying I am going to update. Well now that it's been four months since my last post. I have finally gotten around to it.

Can you believe it?

Get ready...I tried to be selective, but hey, it's been four months....lots of pics to sort through! And sorry, but there is no order to this.

I started with my favorite...Sammy devouring his ice cream cone. We're doing our best to fatten him up. Dr. Brown says he's in the 1 percentile for weight.

And here's our cute cousin, Garrett, who we like having over to skate and hang out with us.

AIDAN tried to surf on Bear Lake...it didn't really work.

Aidan had fun anyway, hanging out with his cousins

Apparently it is a tradition (for some of our cousins) to play army guys before the fireworks on the 4th of july...so this is what it looked like

Grandma Murray always gives Sam an ice cream cone

This is what Jason and Sam did at the Karren family picnic

Picking peas with Karren cousins

The only photo I snapped while preparing for a very successful fundraiser for Nicholas.
It was a very busy time!

I think it is pretty much expected that if you have 2 boys participating in the cub scout program...you will be asked to help out. So every Tuesday...I get to hang out with these awesome boys and thank goodness for Mary Ann who does all the planning!

Remember our awesome slip n slide on Kauai? Well it's not so awesome on our flat backyard in Logan. We had fun pulling Sam around on it anyway.

Craig and Jennifer gave us their old trampoline that was coming unstitiched. Jason sewed it all back together with his mom's heavy duty sewing machine. All was well until our landlord saw it and made us take it down since their homeowner's insurance doesn't allow it. It was a sad day for all of us! The joys of renting!

I love summer eating! We eat as many meals outside as we can...it's the best! With fresh vegies from our garden....it's even better! Here's our version of caprese salad...with our own tomatoes and lemon basil...with crumb brother's bagette..extra virgin o.o. and some balsamic vinegar (Cole likes to add avacado) we eat it as our main dish. It's too easy and we all love it.

Lots of campfire in the Summer!

Aidan was pretty excited about his roasted cheese

Sam turns one!

A Snake, Two Goats, A Duck, and a Snake

We're down to two goats and one snake now...no pics of the snakes....I don't like them!

Oh Tetons, How we love thee!

Grand Teton National Park is one of my favorite places on earth. So glad we made it there this summer. I want to go back. Jason wants to move back there. We had so much fun playing while surrounded by such awesome beauty and it's so hard to quit gazing at those wonderous peaks when you are there....and oh so many memories!

COLE'S birthplace: Jackson, Wyoming

Whenever we go to Jackson we always drive by St. John's and tell Cole about when he was born and about our lives once lived in such a fun little town.

I told Jason we had to go get nachos at the Mangy Moose. We were super disappointed to find out that their famous nachos (famous for us at least) are an apres ski item only....not on the summer menu. The deck was fabulous though and so was the pizza. They have really improved the atmosphere at Teton Village (not that it needed improving) and we were super impressed after initially being disappointed (about the nachos, of course)

Coon skin caps...that is what our boys wanted and that is what they got while we were shopping around Jackson. We all thought it was fitting after listening to "Where the Red Fern Grows" on the drive to Jackson.

Mountain Biking in Moab

This is how the boys looked at the beginning of the Porcupine Rim Trail...a pretty killer trail for a eight and ten year old I might add.

This is how they looked at the end of the trail. Aside from, a bit of dehydration...the boys did awesome on one of the toughest Moab rides!

Somehow Jason talked me into biking Slick Rock with the boys....and I am really glad he did. I hadn't biked Slick Rock in over ten years. It was really fun, but next time I do it...it won't be in July!

Delicate Arch..the hottest hike of my life
I've hiked to delicate arch before...no big deal. Hiking in Arches N.P. in July ...not a good idea.
We knew it was going to be hot, but we decided while we were already in Southern Utah we might as well see some sites....I don't know if I would do it again though.

I was so proud of Sadie!

It's been a very tough summer for Grandpa Murray and we are so glad he was able to come to Tony Grove with us.

Jason and Sam napping on the red sandstone of Lake Powell...love this place! It had been several years since our last trip to Powell...such good times with the family at Lake Powell...it's a special place for the Karrens.

Uncle Dave brought all the fixings to make Spam Musubi and oh, how my kids love spam musubi!

I love how my Dad always remembers to bring his captain's hat on the trip....The Captain and his co-Captains

My favorite picture...al the kids in the cubbies on the boat

Beaver Creek Campout and a Day at Bear Lake

Nothing's better than a mountain bike ride the whole family can go on...even little Sammy!

taking a break in the creek

Our Sammy's growing up...sniff, sniff

and now...
Back to school.