...a state of happiness, rest, and peace

It's been over a month now since Clair passed away. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I've wanted to write down some of my thoughts and feelings, but haven't felt up to doing it until now.

A little over a year ago our family returned to Cache Valley, soon after Clair's cancer returned. It was difficult to see the decline and changes in Clair's health as the cancer took hold. But it's been special to be here, close to him. He taught us so much...about faith, love, service, courage, and gratitude. He endured this trial with such a positive attitude. He expressed gratitude for every little thing to the very end.

The time we've spent with Grandpa Murray has been precious and the memories are sweet. I remember watching Grandpa hold Sam for the first time when we first arrived from Kauai. Sam was just two weeks old. It seemed they had an immediate bond. I can't think about it without tearing up. I loved the tenderness he showed Sam as he held him. Clair held Sam any chance he could and Sam was always peaceful and content in his arms. A few months before Clair passed away I watched as Sam laid in his arms and he gazed up at his Grandpa with such a wide grin. Grandpa teased and played with him. Sam started giggling and enjoyed every second of his attention. I didn't have my camera to take pictures, but the memory is a vivid picture in my mind...one that I will always remember and tell Sam about. I'll tell Sam how much his Grandpa loved him, even while suffering the pains of cancer. I was touched when the last time Sam visited how Grandpa, even when heavily medicated, still reached his head up and puckered his lips to give Sam his kiss goodbye...it was his last.

The kids loved to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house after school. Aidan, especially, would often ride his bike to their house after school to spend time with them. Grandma would feed him and Grandpa would listen to him read and help him complete his homework for the day. Grandpa shared his knowledge and love for birds with Aidan. They would sit by the big windows and watch and study the birds coming to eat from the feeders in the backyard. Now Aidan can easily spot and identify birds around Cache Valley. He takes his special bird book that Grandpa gave him on all of our family road trips so that he can identify the birds of the area.

The kids will always remember fishing with Grandpa. With Grandpa, you could always catch your limit. He was the best fisherman and riding in his boat was great! I can still remember when I went fishing with Clair. It was my first time and boy was he kind and patient with me. He showed me how to tie on the hook, bait it, and how to rig the pole. Even this last year when Clair wasn't feeling well and was having a hard time getting around, he was willing to go with the kids to fish at first dam. Jason parked close enough to the water so he could stay in the van, but still help the kids bait their hooks and give pointers as they fished from the bank.

Our very last outing with Clair was to one of his favorite places, Tony Grove. It was a short trip and he apologized over and over that we had to leave the lake so soon. But oh, how he loved seeing the wild flowers. We were so happy to see him enjoy the beauty of a place so special to him and to us. He watched from the van as the kids played in the water for a few minutes. I'm sure he yearned to get out and enjoy it with them. It was a beautiful day...we know he is in an even more beautiful place now.

During the last month or so of Clair's life, Jason was able to spend much of his time caring for him. Helping him get around, shower, and switch positions. He spent many nights at his parents' home getting up through the night to take his dad to the bathroom every couple of hours. Jason got tired so quickly from getting up all night. He wondered how his parents had been doing it for years. But he loved having the opportunity to help his dad in any way he could. I was impressed with the care and concern Jason showed his dad in those last difficult days. I feel so grateful to have such a devoted husband. I am truly blessed.

"Then it shall come to pass that the spirits of those who are righteous are recieved into a state of happiness, which is called paradise. A state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care." Alma 40:12

Jason used that scripture in his talk at the funeral. We truly feel comforted in knowing that Clair is in a state of happiness and peace. I loved Clair's quiet ways. He was so humble. He was the perfect father, the perfect father-in-law, the perfect Grandpa. Oh, how I love and miss him!