It's early, 5:30am, and I've been up since 3:30am. I've had a little insomnia during this pregnancy. It's strange because I crawl into bed some nights so tired that I have Jason tuck the kids into bed without me. Then 1am, 2am, or 3am I wake up unable to fall back to sleep, now wishing I could wake the kids and give them their goodnight hugs and kisses that I was too tired to give them a few hours ago. Some nights I just lie there, feeling my baby kick or hiccup inside my belly, hoping I fall back to sleep. Some nights I wake Jason and we talk and he holds me until I go back to sleep. Some nights I read scriptures. Last night, or this morning I should say, I read from 2 Nephi. I was reading some of Lehi's last words to his children...his hopes and desires for all of them...his fears for some of them. He loved them so much. Then I began thinking about my own children and decided to write letters to each of them, not my hopes and desires for them. I wrote about my feelings of gratitude for the blessing of being their mother. As I wrote and thought about each one of them and their own unique gifts, I thought about how much each one of my children has taught me. I know I won't really know until the next life, but I am almost positive that their spirits are much older and wiser than my own. I am very blessed to have such special, precious teachers as my children. Then I began thinking about my nephew, Christoph, and his perfect spirit. What a blessing it was to be with him. I can only imagine how much his mother and father, sisters and brother miss him. His birthday was Saturday. He would have turned thirteen. We had twelve short, but very sweet years with him on earth, and now forever to hope for and look forward to. I miss you, Christoph!
I can't wait til my kids wake up and I can give them their goodnight AND good morning hugs and kisses and to tell them I love them. This life is short.
5 comments:
And there is the difference between you & I. Insomnia is part of pregnancy. I have it too except when I'm up in the middle of the night, I catch up on Oprah's on my tivo. You read your scriptures...I watch Oprah.
Did you know that you can take unisom while you are pregnant? I've used it a couple of times after several sleepless nights & it's been nice to get a full nights rest. Just FYI.
Thank You for this! I find that as I get older I am grasping the enormous resposibility of motherhood spritually, teaching our children and being resposible for their spirits for such a short time. I am excited to see Murray baby #4. You have the cutest kids.
Rachel... I love this post. I have trying to write in my own journal lately so I don't forget all the amazing things my kids do and say. I am so glad I get to be their mom here on earth. I always worry that I might ruin them; they are so perfect and pure. I love being a mom, even though it is scary and a huge responsibility. I think one of the many reasons I've always been drawn to you is because of how much you clearly love being a mom. There is nowhere else you would rather be than with your kids, and that is very cool. I sure do love you, Rachel.
A very sweet post. Life gets busy sometimes, and we forget to do the little things--the hugs and kisses. Hopefully I can remember to cherish my little boy when he gets here as much as I cherish his little kicks and hiccups and rolling around inside of me now. It's so fun to feel him! It will be fun to have our little boys here soon!
Sophie and I just read your sweet post. I thought a lot about being a mother as mother's day approached. It was a bittersweet weekend. We love you and miss you.
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