just thinking....about my Aidan

the birthday boy!

all smiles at wolf mountain

our sign and the clever way he attached it to the lamp

my necklace

fun with Aidan's new creation--the zhu zhu pet house

zhu zhu going down the slide

zhu zhu car

I haven't been very consistent with my blog. In fact, I noticed yesterday that I had only posted like seven times in 2010 and most of those posts are like a photo dump of previous family activities. Pretty sad. But I also got into the mood to blog yesterday. Maybe I'll do more this year? It's 10:30am and Sam is already napping....that never happens. But like me, he was restless during the night. Anyway, I'm still in the mood. So here goes....oh, this will probably be long and boring to anyone but me.

Last night was one of those un-routine nights. As in, we didn't eat dinner (actually it was more like breakfast) until about 7 when I finally whipped up some bubblies (our term for German pancakes) and put them in the oven to bubble. At the time, nobody seemed too anxious to eat. This was about the same time Jason walked in from work...tired and probably hungry for something more substantial then bubblies, but he didn't complain. After downing the bubblies in what seemed like seconds. I whipped up some MORE bubblies after we decided one pan just wasn't enough for 6 hungry bellies. By the time we finished eating it was probably 8:30ish and I asked the kids to clean up the kitchen. Sadie (the queen of excuses when she doesn't want to do something) said her belly really hurt from eating too many bubblies. As Cole complained about Sadie's lame excuses I did something I normally don't do. I let her off easy and asked her to put her clean laundry away and to get into bed. Cole was bugged, but I guess we both let it go. I got into bed next to Sadie and listened to her read until about 9:30. After kissing her goodnight, I wandered into the kitchen to find Aidan still busily finishing his work. Cole had already finished cleaning to his standards, had come in to give me a hug goodnight, and gone to bed. Jason was in Sammy's bed. Both were sleeping and Jason was snoring. But Aidan had stayed working in the kitchen much longer making sure every dish and pan was washed, dried, and put away, counters wiped clean, and he was even sweeping the floor. I told him not to worry about sweeping and to go to bed. "No, Mom, I'm almost done. I just have to sweep this one part." Oh, he is so sweet sometimes...he really likes to do nice things for others. Then he asked me to get in his bed with him for a minute. I do this with all the kids sometimes...just crawl in with them before they go to sleep. It's amazing how much I get to hear and learn about them during these cuddly moments in their beds. Aidan talked until I drifted off to sleep. Then he had to wake me up to ask me if I was going to stay in his bed because he was turning off the light. That happens sometimes too.

Aidan just turned nine last week. I can't believe it. I know I shouldn't be sad, but I am. How many more years am I going to get to cuddle with my Aidan? and how many more years will he be so excited to tell me about everything in his life? Aidan has such an excitement for life and everything in it. I hope he never loses that because it's something really special.

I love how Aidan called me last week from Wolf Mountain to tell me how much I would love being there and what an awesome place it was for snowboarding. "You should come here, Mom, you would love it!" I wish I would have recorded the phone call and the joy and excitement I heard in his voice.

I love how after seeing me sad and teary last week he made a cute sign for Jason and me and hung it on our lamp to find as a surprise.

I love how he walked (actually he took his ripstick) his friend, Garrett, home last night so he didn't have to go alone.

I love his creations. Aidan never stops creating. Just this week he made an elaborate zhu zhu pet house out of cardboard boxes, and cardboard scraps, popsicle sticks, yarn, pipe cleaners, duct tape, pom pom balls markers, and lots and lots of hot glue. Sadie and Sam love it! He also made a battery powered car for the zhu zhu pets. Then he made me a cute necklace with ribbon, pom pom balls, pipe cleaners and shells...it's fun to wonder what he will be making next.

I love how when he bears his testimony at church he elaborates and always has a story to share.

I love his curly hair, his dark eyes that twinkle, his long eye lashes, and of course, his dimples.

I love the appreciation he has for nature and for animals.

I love his sweetness and sensitivity.

I love that he can spend time alone for hours and be perfectly happy.

I love that he didn't ask for anything for Christmas, but was the most excited on Christmas.

I love how he can read for hours at a time.

I love his tight hugs and slobbery kisses.

I love my Aidan.

Cocoa

Aidan grooming our new horse on Christmas morning.

We had something special on our front doorstep Christmas morning.....a miniature horse, named Cocoa. The kids were super surprised and super excited. They had no idea they would be getting a horse and asked over and over if it was really theirs. Cocoa has been the perfect pet and has given the kids hours of fun and enjoyment. She's small enough that they can all ride on her, even little Sam. And she's big enough to handle more than one rider at a time. She is friendly, calm, and gentle, but we've also seen that she can run when she wants to. We're having a lot of fun with her.

Grandma Murray and the kids with Cocoa on Christmas morning.

Cocoa shares the coral with Pepper...

and Avalanche. They seem to get along just fine.

A Bright Sunshiny Day!

Jason introduced the kids to ice skating on the canal a few months ago when the canal first froze over after bitter cold temps hit Cache Valley early. I've heard all about ice skating on North Logan's canal which was one of Jason's favorite childhood past times during long, cold winters. I never realized just how fun it could be until New Year's day when I finally decided to give it a try. It was so fun, in fact, that I talked Jason into going back a second time with me after the kids were done and after his foot had frozen from breaking through the ice into freezing cold water. Lyman Stevens was riding by on his horse when the two of us were skating together and told us to enjoy our afternoon date....and I SURE did!

New Year's day just happened to be a beautiful, bright, clear day. A great start to a new year!

You can't tell from the pictures, but the snow looked like feathers on top of the ice.

Sammy goes into a comatose-like state when cold, but Uncle Mike got him to smile

Smiling Sadie

Cole and Jonah

Sadie, Aidan, Mia, and Kaili

Love Kaili's smile

Kaili and Sam in the tobogan

It was too bright for Mia to open her eyes

Nathan opted for boots rather than ice skates

Jonah and Tristin

Aidan, Cole, Mia, Sadie, Nathan, Jonah, Tristin, Kaili and Sam in the sled

My four

A classic Aidan pose

My Beautiful Sam

...a state of happiness, rest, and peace

It's been over a month now since Clair passed away. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I've wanted to write down some of my thoughts and feelings, but haven't felt up to doing it until now.

A little over a year ago our family returned to Cache Valley, soon after Clair's cancer returned. It was difficult to see the decline and changes in Clair's health as the cancer took hold. But it's been special to be here, close to him. He taught us so much...about faith, love, service, courage, and gratitude. He endured this trial with such a positive attitude. He expressed gratitude for every little thing to the very end.

The time we've spent with Grandpa Murray has been precious and the memories are sweet. I remember watching Grandpa hold Sam for the first time when we first arrived from Kauai. Sam was just two weeks old. It seemed they had an immediate bond. I can't think about it without tearing up. I loved the tenderness he showed Sam as he held him. Clair held Sam any chance he could and Sam was always peaceful and content in his arms. A few months before Clair passed away I watched as Sam laid in his arms and he gazed up at his Grandpa with such a wide grin. Grandpa teased and played with him. Sam started giggling and enjoyed every second of his attention. I didn't have my camera to take pictures, but the memory is a vivid picture in my mind...one that I will always remember and tell Sam about. I'll tell Sam how much his Grandpa loved him, even while suffering the pains of cancer. I was touched when the last time Sam visited how Grandpa, even when heavily medicated, still reached his head up and puckered his lips to give Sam his kiss goodbye...it was his last.

The kids loved to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house after school. Aidan, especially, would often ride his bike to their house after school to spend time with them. Grandma would feed him and Grandpa would listen to him read and help him complete his homework for the day. Grandpa shared his knowledge and love for birds with Aidan. They would sit by the big windows and watch and study the birds coming to eat from the feeders in the backyard. Now Aidan can easily spot and identify birds around Cache Valley. He takes his special bird book that Grandpa gave him on all of our family road trips so that he can identify the birds of the area.

The kids will always remember fishing with Grandpa. With Grandpa, you could always catch your limit. He was the best fisherman and riding in his boat was great! I can still remember when I went fishing with Clair. It was my first time and boy was he kind and patient with me. He showed me how to tie on the hook, bait it, and how to rig the pole. Even this last year when Clair wasn't feeling well and was having a hard time getting around, he was willing to go with the kids to fish at first dam. Jason parked close enough to the water so he could stay in the van, but still help the kids bait their hooks and give pointers as they fished from the bank.

Our very last outing with Clair was to one of his favorite places, Tony Grove. It was a short trip and he apologized over and over that we had to leave the lake so soon. But oh, how he loved seeing the wild flowers. We were so happy to see him enjoy the beauty of a place so special to him and to us. He watched from the van as the kids played in the water for a few minutes. I'm sure he yearned to get out and enjoy it with them. It was a beautiful day...we know he is in an even more beautiful place now.

During the last month or so of Clair's life, Jason was able to spend much of his time caring for him. Helping him get around, shower, and switch positions. He spent many nights at his parents' home getting up through the night to take his dad to the bathroom every couple of hours. Jason got tired so quickly from getting up all night. He wondered how his parents had been doing it for years. But he loved having the opportunity to help his dad in any way he could. I was impressed with the care and concern Jason showed his dad in those last difficult days. I feel so grateful to have such a devoted husband. I am truly blessed.

"Then it shall come to pass that the spirits of those who are righteous are recieved into a state of happiness, which is called paradise. A state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care." Alma 40:12

Jason used that scripture in his talk at the funeral. We truly feel comforted in knowing that Clair is in a state of happiness and peace. I loved Clair's quiet ways. He was so humble. He was the perfect father, the perfect father-in-law, the perfect Grandpa. Oh, how I love and miss him!

I think....I touched heaven

Although we are grieving the loss of my father in law...it was a pretty heavenly day. First, Jason and I got to sleep in. All the kids except Sam had slept over at their cousins. We picked them up in time to listen to general conference. Then headed over to my mom and dad's during the break for a veeery yummy meal in their backyard with all of my family. Then we got to watch conference again all together (my sibs and their kids, and my parents) in my mom and dad's family room. I love family togetherness.

We returned home and soon after the doorbell rang. It was Stewart from Jason's and my Sunday School Class with a pan full of cinnamon rolls. He told me he was sorry about Jason's dad. He said a couple weeks ago he had the opportunity to take the sacrament to him. I know Stewart's mom made the cinnamon rolls, but it was SO sweet of him to bring them and to show concern. Especially since he is 16. How many 16 year olds do that?

Tonight Jason and I went accross the street to Kevin's (Jason's brother) for a meeting with the family to plan the memorial services for Clair, my father in law. The meeting went a little longer than I had thought it would. So after a couple of hours I walked back home to check on the kids, since we had left them alone. It had gotten dark and the lights were on in the garage. As I walked up our driveway I was so happy with what I found.

Cole was wearing Jason's rollerblades. Aidan was wearing mine. They both had brooms and were playing broom hockey in the driveway. I have never seen them do this before....so I have no idea where they got the idea. I wasn't surprised though because my boys are always thinking up fun stuff to do. (just like their Daddy) Sadie had Sam sitting in his stroller and she was sitting next to him holding an umbrella over both of their heads. I have no idea why she was holding the umbrella because they were both sitting in the shelter of the garage. But it was very cute. Sammy had a big smile and was obviously enjoying himself. The boys were having fun playing hockey and Sadie was giggling with Sam.

All at once I was extremely happy inside. It's moments like this that really aren't a big deal, but yet they are. It's just normal everyday life. But it really hit me tonight that this normal everyday life stuff is actually incredibly awesome. Life is short. I'm learning more each day...how short it really is. I love my children and I love these moments I have with them and they should be treasured.

Today the prophet said that living with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven. I know I have a LONG ways to go in the gratitude department....but I think I might have for a minute touched heaven tonight...it sure felt like I did.

We miss you

My father in law passed away early Saturday morning. I don't know if it's really sunk in yet that he's gone. I know that he was suffering. It was so hard to see him suffer. I know that he is in a much better place now. He is where he is supposed to be. He lived a beautiful life. But oh, how we miss him already.